The 6th, Unmentioned Love Language – Activity

many of us have heard of the 5 love languages – the book, authored by Gary Chapman, and the concept, now commonly referenced in relationships world-wide. it discusses how we love others and how we want to be loved. it tells us there are five methods through which people express love: physical touch, acts of service, quality time, receiving gifts, and words of affirmation. but i would argue that there is one very significant love language missing from this list – activity.

recently i was considering these love languages, and i felt inclined to take the 5 love langauges quiz. i wanted to see if my “score” aligned with my true sentiments toward the most important people in my life.

this book and quiz is meant to analyze what makes us, as an individual, feel loved. it discusses how people naturally give love to others as they would prefer to receive it. however, what makes us feel loved, isn’t necessarily what makes those in our surroundings feel loved. therefore, it is important that we consider how we love on different individuals to maximize our relationships with them.

according to the 5 love languages quiz, my primary love language is “quality time.” however, as i read through the description, i didn’t feel like it was 100% applicable.

i then read through the descriptions of the other love languages, and while there were bits and pieces from each that i could relate to, i still didn’t feel like i had uncovered the secret of vanessa’s love language.

at this point i decided i didn’t need a book to reveal this information, so i sat and thought about the people i am closest to in life, and i realized that the common thread amongst all of them, was activity.


my closest friends in life, are not people who simply make time for me. my closet friends in life are the ones who plan activities with me. we don’t ONLY see each other for coffee dates; but we prefer to grab coffee on our way up to scale some mountains. we love our in-depth conversations, but those conversations take place while we are a couple miles into a jog. we catch up on the phone when that’s all that time/distances allow for; but our phone chat revolves around planning our next adventure at some random destination mid-way between us.

my love language, is activity.


there is nothing my husband can do that makes me feel loved more, than planning a get-away for us that entails adventuring through every hour of daylight in the great outdoors; and finishing our days with an overabundance of “we played so hard” exhaustion, and dirt.

(case in point – we planned our whole wedding and honeymoon around a backpacking/fishing adventure in Alaska)


in making this realization, i re-read the quality time description from the book, and this time i zoomed in on the last sentence.

Quality Time

In the vernacular of Quality Time, nothing says, “I love you,” like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there – with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby – makes your significant other feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful. Quality Time also means sharing quality conversation and quality activities.

i suppose my activity love language could be a sub-set of quality time, but it is a very important distinction to make when uncovering how you love to be loved.

find out what your love language is by clicking HERE. and if your love language is activity as well, let’s be friends. 🙂

have a good week everyone!


what is your love language? 

have you uncovered other forgotten love languages?











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